Professor Layton and the Rise of the Duck
by Eyeglasses Full of Stars
Summary: A crack fic I wrote as a half-birthday present for Nightfancy and my sis. A certain duck happens to see Layton dress up as a duck in Phong Gi. And because the duck thinks the costume is so abominable, he decides that the Professor should pay for his deeds. SPOILERS for Azran Legacy.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** – This crack fic is a half-birthday present for Nightfancy and my little sister. So happy half-birthday to both of them! xD

This actually started when I was chatting online with my sister. While waiting for her to respond, I typed this random story into the chat box because I was bored. And thus the duck apocalypse story was born.

And, Nightfancy? The ducks have twisted and corrupted my mind. :D

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a duck.

Unlike other ducks, who could only quack, this particular duck had the ability to understand English. And he could speak it, too (though his words came out quite garbled and unintelligible).

Impressive, no?

Anyway, this duck was destined for a great future.

This duck would start the revolution of the century.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** – Special thanks to Vixin2 for allowing me to copy the dialogue in Stubborn Mind that was copied from Azran Legacy. xD

* * *

Now our duck was flying across the jungles of Phong Gi, when he saw a group of people – civilized people, mind you, unlike the rest of those… mushroom heads. They had made their way over to the stage where a grumpy old man was sitting. So he decided to watch their reactions to whatever uncouthness lay before them. First, the duck saw one of those mushroom head people go up to the grumpy man.

"Hey, Chief, coming up with this routine's been a real brain scratcher. Brain… Scratcher. See?" the mushroom head man said as he scratched under his hair (or was it a mushroom?).

"No," the grumpy man said. "I don't see. What are you getting at, boy?"

So those mushroom head people were also rather crazy. The duck continued to observe as those civilized people attempted to figure out what was going on.

"If I had to guess, I'd say they're trying to make the village chief laugh," the boy in blue said.

"So it would seem, Luke. And I certainly can't fault them for their efforts," responded a person in a top hat.

That group of people continued to try to figure out what was going on, and soon the top hat man and blue boy went to the side to do… something. Soon, they walked up to the chief.

Then the duck saw that.

That abomination of a duck costume the top hat man was wearing. No, that thing didn't even deserve to be called a costume!

It was hideous!

How dare that top hat man defile the name and looks of ducks!

This was absolutely unacceptable!

That top hat man would pay.

He would pay dearly.


	3. Chapter 3

The duck continued to watch as that disgraceful, asinine top hat man went back to his friends and started talking to them.

"Perhaps a crab impersonation would have had more charm…" he said.

Then the blue boy started talking. "I got right up close, pulling all sorts of faces at him, and still not even a titter!"

And throughout this, the top hat man had the impudence to keep that pitiful excuse of a costume on! Even blue boy had the sense to take his disguise off!

Then, this man with hair that looked like bread spoke up. "It was a, er… gallant effort nonetheless. Perhaps I'll have a go."

"Maybe your hair will do the trick, Professor Sycamore!" blue boy said. "It certainly made Amanita crack up!"

"Ah ha… Well, rather than relying on my fashionable hairstyle, I thought I'd have a shot at some good old British comedy," bread man responded. "A bit of dry humour for that wet blanket. That should cheer up Mr. Morel." Bread man approached the grumpy old man.

"What's that sickly sweet smell?" asked grumpy man. "Is there fruit cake somewhere around here?"

So not only did bread man have hair that looked like bread, but he also smelled like fruit cake! Wow!

Bread man responded, "Ahh, I believe that scent you've detected is my cologne. My name is Desmond Sycamore, and I'd like to tell you a little joke in exchange for that egg."

"Hmph. Go on." Boy, grumpy man sure was grumpy.

"Once upon a time, there was a family of deer in a forest: a mother, a daughter and a son. The mother deer was renowned for baking delicious cakes, and she would make them for all the other animals in the forest. Everyone talked about what a lovely family they must be, so kind and giving!" said bread man.

"One day, though, the mother deer caught a cold, so she asked the son to go out and deliver the treats in her place. The son agreed, picked up a basket filled with goodies and left the house. His first stop was a house belonging to a family of rabbits. The rabbit family had never met the boy, but they welcomed him in, saying that, knowing his mum, he must be a lovely boy indeed.

"They sat down, and to the rabbits' surprise, the young deer began to scoff up all the cakes right in front of them! He then proceeded to smash up their home, before darting off, shouting and screaming. Shocking behavior!

"Needless to say, the animals of the forest learnt an important lesson that day: 'you shouldn't judge a buck by its mother.'"

… Was that supposed to be a joke?

Grumpy man spoke up. "Wise words. Didn't you say you had a joke to tell me?"

At least grumpy man was bright enough to know what a joke was.

"… Well, you see… That bit at the end WAS the joke. It's a witty play on a common idiom," bread man explained.

"Witty? What was witty about it?" asked grumpy man.

Well, that was clearly a fail. But at least it was better than that scandalous performance top hat man gave. Anything was better than that.


	4. Chapter 4

First of all, this duck had to think of a plan of revenge. Revenge against top hat man for defiling the looks of ducks. Revenge against all of humanity. Why, they _ate_ ducks! That alone deserved to be punishable by pecking to death! No one had ever thought to punish the humans before, so he would be an example and do it first.

But wait!

He appeared and acted just like any other duck in the eyes of the foolish humans. He was no different to them than another duck.

That had to change.

He first needed a grandiose name – come to think of it, did he even have a name? Well, he had to think of a new one, anyway. And not just something like Duck.

How about a name like... Edward Alexander Theodore Maurice Ebenezer. Nah. That would be too long. He needed something short yet powerful. Something like the name... Maximus. Maximus the First. Now _that_ would be perfect.

Next, he needed a distinguishing mark or accessory. How about spray painting himself with pink paint? Nope. That would probably hinder his flying and be quite uncomfortable. He'd probably have to stick to an accessory. A bow? A tie? A bowtie? Those were just too… ordinary. And what about a cravat? That would even make a human stand out among a sea of humans! And it would make a duck look absolutely refined and elegant. Now to get one… he'd better go back to London, where his home – well, his base - was.

_Somewhere in London in a clothing store that stocks cravats…_

Hmm… these cravats were just divine! Goodness, there came another human to interrupt his shopping trip. Didn't they know that he was _the_ Maximus the First?! Ugh.

Then he saw it. He saw the perfect cravat. A stunning ivory cravat. Maximus quickly snatched up the smallest size, which happened to be the perfect size for him, ducked under an incoming broom swung by that vile human, and flew out the door. Pesky humans.

He swiftly flew to his base, which was not just an ordinary nest, but a cave with a nest inside of it! The cave was stone, and had a small opening only large enough for a duck, along with a few tiny holes here and there. And to stop any uninvited larger guests from coming in, Maximus had the absolutely ingenious idea of blocking up the doorway with a rectangular stone.

Now, he careful laid out a pilfered table cloth (how did he steal it? He could obviously do it because he is _the_ Maximus the First) on the floor. Then he laid out the cravat. Oh, it was absolutely gorgeous! Of course, he would have to steal a few more. Maximus the First could not just live with one cravat. He needed a few, in case one got stained or torn. Now that he knew exactly where to get the perfect cravats, it would be easy.


	5. Chapter 5

Maximus had a problem. A very big problem, indeed.

He was a duck. How on earth was he supposed to get that cravat on by himself? Even though he was _the_ Maximus the First, it was still impossible. He needed some assistance. And two sisters, who were twins, would be the perfect choice to help assist him. They lived nearby, and they could easily move into his base.

Ten minutes later, after finding both sisters at their respective nests, the three ducks arrived at Maximus's base. First things first, the twins needed new names to fit their new, grander roles. Hmm… how about Mae and Mai? They were similar, perfect for twins, and quite lovely names, but a little too similar. But he also needed something that would fit with his name. Major and Majus? Oh, those would fit perfectly with his name. But he still liked the names Mae and Mai… so Major could be nicknamed Mae and Majus could be nicknamed Mai. Perfect.

Next, he needed to teach them how to help tie a cravat onto them. With three sets of wings, it should be much simpler… But how exactly did one tie a cravat? He would need to investigate.

_At the cravat store…_

This would be the place to learn how to tie a cravat. At the very least, he could look at the mannequins, and, using his quite intelligent brain, figure out how they were tied. And while they were here, he might as well pick up a few spare cravats.

Half an hour later, after avoiding angry store clerks, irritated customers, and screaming ladies, Maximus thought he had sufficiently learned how to tie a cravat. Then he and his sisters grabbed a cravat each, and sped off to his base.

_Back at Maximus's base…_

Maximus carefully picked up one of the cravats, and started to attempt to put it on him. Mae (or was it Mai?) came over and watched, mildly interested. Ugh, this cravat was so difficult to put on! Maximus quickly called Majus and Major over to help him. Fold this over… tie that… put this under that… perfect! He had finally gotten the cravat on. He must look absolutely stunning and impressive. But… he didn't have a mirror. How was he supposed to know how he looked? And then he also needed some papers and writing utensils for his plans. And he needed to make his base cleaner. Time for a shopping trip!

* * *

**A/N** – Does anyone get why I named his sisters Majus and Major? And just so you know, Majus is pronounced Mae-yoos and Major is pronounced Mae-your.


	6. Chapter 6

First up, shopping spree time! Mae and Mai would certainly enjoy this. Maximus quickly checked his mental shopping list:

_ 1. Paper_

_ 2. Writing utensils_

_ 3. A mirror of some sort_

_ 4. Supplies for cleaning (i.e. wipes, bleach, soap, etc.)_

_ 5. Bags (pilfer them from the nearest store)_

_ 6. Pieces of cloth or carpet for the base's floor_

_ 7. Anything that might be useful_

_ 8. **WEAPONS** (only if possible)_

That seemed to be all. Time for some shopping! Now, shopping for the ducks meant scrounging around in the garbage cans, looking on the sidewalks, and stealing the little bit they could from stores. Unfortunately, Maximus would have to resort to this rather uncouth method. How else could he get some of these things? Sheesh, stealing the cravats was hard enough, and those were basically small, light pieces of cloth. Thankfully, though, some doors were automatic. Thank goodness for that. But store clerks nowadays… Didn't they know how to show respect at all?! Especially to _the_ Maximus the First! Goodness! Those ignorant humans. Anyway, time to go scrounge around in garbage cans. Ugh.

Maximus, Majus, and Major quickly left their base and headed for the nearest store with automatic doors. Just swoop in and grab a few plastic bags, and that should be all. Next, the three ducks tied (they made sure they wouldn't strangle themselves, of course) a bag onto themselves and went separate ways to search more efficiently.

Maximus flew to some trashcans, all the while keeping an eye out for any useful items lying around. A dead rat rolled over by a car? Gross. And absolutely useless. Broken bits of a glass bottle? Hmm… that might be useful as a weapon of some sort. Maximus carefully picked some bigger pieces up with his beak and dumped them into the bag. A rotting banana peel? Eww. A sofa out on the sidewalk? If only they could bring it back to the base, but that would be impossible for just the three of them. Maybe he could pry some of the padding from the sofa? It would certainly make the base more comfy. Unzipping the cushion with his beak, Maximus reached inside, pulled out some padding, and dumped it in the bag. There. That would be all, since carrying any more things would most likely hinder his flying too much. Now to see what Mae and Mai had found.

_Back at Maximus's base…_

Mae had found some short pencils and discarded pens, and she had also managed to salvage a few pieces of clean-ish paper. And Mai had found a discarded foil pan to use as a mirror. Finally, Maximus the First had adequate supplies to start charting out his splendiferous plans for revenge against that top hat man.


End file.
